July 2006

1) Recreationally, I read more non-fiction books than fiction.
2) I spend so much time out, I get excited when I don’t have plans and can stay home crocheting and playing video games. Sometimes I’m tempted to decline invitations so I can stay home and do just that.
3) I think “New York State of Mind” by Nas is quite possibly the greatest rap song ever.
4) I consider it a huge victory when I can make my dad laugh.
5) My theory on life is more or less on par with Mill.
6) I am obsessed with chicharon. I plan on eating it every day in the Philippines.
7) I have a thing for dreads. But, they have to be small, neat and on guys.
8) I’m straight, but I would do Shakira.
9) I get excited when there’s a fresh pot of white rice.
10) I love hugging my sister. She’s the perfect level of squishy.
11) I tell myself I don’t want to get married for at least another 10 years, but I find myself thinking about it a lot lately.
12) I had less than 5 Asian friends before college.
13) I’m scared of bees.
14) I want a Latrell throwback.
15) I love live salsa music.
16) To get comfortable before I fall asleep I usually pretend that someone is holding me.
17) If I want to sound smart I’ll use my white voice. I’m to the point where it happens almost automatically.
18) I have no idea how my mother raised a family of four, provided houses for 2 of my uncles and educations for at least 5 of my cousins on a household income less thank 90k. And 90k was only during the few good years.
19) When I was 18 I got an offer to deal in NY for a supplier in Philly, but he got mad that I had a boyfriend and stopped talking to me.
20) My hair used to be twice as thick as it is now, but I started dying it when I was 14 and it’s been getting thinner ever since.
21) When I was 18-19 I got an average of 2 numbers a week. Now that I’m single I wonder what happened to all those guys. Now that I’m older I wonder what happened that I don’t get numbers as often.
22) “When I Fall In Love” by Nat King Cole used to be my favorite love song. But now, I think I’ve already been in love and it ended. So, I wonder if being in love with the one will be bigger and better than this last one, so that it would be like falling in love the first time, forever and completely.
23) Then again, I could see myself never falling in love and never getting married, or only getting married out of convenience, and it wouldn’t really bother me.
24) I’m usually quiet around new people. Sometimes I think it’s because I’m shy and sometimes I think it’s because I just don’t care. It’s always because I want to read the person first.
25) I have more guy friends than girl friends, but I’m closest with the girl friends that I have.
26) I don’t like having sex with the lights off. In fact, I never have, and I intend on keeping it that way. I think if you love someone you want to see them.
27) I love my unlimited MetroCard, and getting one was incredibly liberating. Though, I’m not sure if it made me more or less lazy. More because I now take the subway distances I would otherwise walk, less because I now travel around the city a lot more.
28) I miss walking in stilettos. In High School I wore stilettos every day. Now I feel like they decrease my productivity.
29) Sometimes I wish I could just wear a beater and a fitted every day.
30) I think my legs are ugly unless I’m wearing 5 inch heels.
31) I seriously considered going to conservatory instead of college.
32) I think whether or not it’s counted, and whether or not I like either or neither candidate, the fact that people have died to obtain the right to vote is enough reason for me to go to the polls every year.
33) I believe the police never looked for Big and Tupac’s murderers, and that they have no intention of doing so.
34) I think information on careers in finance is purposely kept in certain communities. I never heard of investment banking until college.
35) It really pisses me off when people use religion/charity to extort money. Hustle if you want, but don’t hustle by taking advantage of people’s goodness.
36) Lazy and fake are the two worst things I could ever be.
37) If I start a fight, I’ll finish it, even if I know it means getting my ass kicked.
38) I’m going to live in Madrid some day.
39) Sometimes I wonder how long it would take people to start looking for me if I disappeared.
40) I refuse to date anyone younger than me.
41) My thoughts on Ashanti, Ashlee Simpson and Britney Spears: They can’t sing, they can’t dance and they’re not pretty. I don’t know why they’re famous and it bothers me that they are.
42) I get jealous over people and situations that shouldn’t matter.
43) I don’t have a preference for black guys, I just have a preference for smooth game.
44) I’ve actually hooked up with more white boys than any other race. (yeah, I know that surprises ya’ll)
45) It’s been a really long time since I’ve hung out with white people. It just doesn’t really happen, and when it does I feel really awkward.
46) I became a nerd because of Widener Library at Harvard. I was 17 and the first time I went there it was just so vast and overwhelming. I realized how much knowledge there is to be gained in the world, and although I could never know it all, I could try.
47) I have a scar on my left eyelid that I’m somewhat self-conscious about. I was 4 and rolling around on my parents’ bed really fast for fun. I fell off and hit my eye on the handle of my parents’ dresser. I got stitches. I remember being wheeled into the hospital and an incredibly bright light – like that scene in Metal Gear Solid when Snake is trapped in the infirmary.
48) Metal Gear Solid is probably my favorite video game. I’ve beaten it at least 10 times. I’ve beaten it in under an hour. But I refuse to play it without the radar.
49) When I learned about Caetano Veloso and Gilberto Gil being taken seriously as artists and intellectuals, it made me think my future might be possible.
50) I’m searching for the one that got away.
51) When I really don’t like people (I mean really don’t like, not just ambivalent) I am pure evil. I can make anyone’s life hell with just a look and a word.
52) crunchy cheetos are soo much better than puffed.
53) I actually prefer chunky peanut butter.
54) Sugar sandwiches (and their cousin, Prima Toast) are amazing.
55) When I was little, my dad used to tell me that since he had no sons, I had to be his son, so he taught me to fight and build stuff and called me “good boy.”
56) When I was little my mother worked days and my father worked nights, so he would sleep in the daytime. They usually forgot to leave food out or left it in a really high cabinet that I couldn’t reach, so the only thing I had to eat was butter.
57) The first song I ever learned was “More Than Words” by Extreme.
58) When I was in 8th grade I choreographed and performed a routine to “The Right Stuff” by New Kids on the Block with 4 of my friends. We were nostalgic for when we were 5.
59) I wrote my first song when I was 5. It was called “Clean it Up.” It was about the environment and was based on a 3-chord progression.
60) I won the school spelling bee when I was in 5th grade and went on to the county bee, where I lost. Now I suck at spelling because of MS Word.
61) I can’t whistle.
62) One of the best things I’ve ever taught my sister: when you ask her “what are you looking at?” she says “looking at you!”
63) I have no idea where my Spanish accent comes from. I always thought it was Puerto Rican or Dominican, because that who I’ve learned the most from, but people tell me it’s not.
64) I think sex on the beach is gross. I mean, it seems romantic and all, but there are some places where you don’t want sand to go. Maybe it would be ok if you had a ginormous blanket.
65) I will play flip cup and pusoy anytime, anywhere.
66) I have no desire to be famous. I like being anonymous.
67) But, I have an intense desire to be reknown. I want people to know my name and my work, just maybe not my face.
68) I think drama outside of the theater is stupid.
69) I don’t really like sleeping alone.
70) I’ve been wearing hoop earrings since I was 5. I rarely wear other kinds.
71) I have 3 piercings in each ear. I got the 3rd in 7th or 8th grade.
72) I think beer and chicken wings are the best food combination ever. They make me so happy.
73) I want to be that chick that hustles at pool and poker.
74) 3 greatest sports: basketball, boxing and billiards (ok, billiards isn’t really a sport, but they show it on espn)
75) I rarely pursue revenge. I just stop acknowledging one’s existence. Why stress myself over some bitch?
76) I kinda want a blasian baby.
77) I had cornrows in high school.
78) The first play I ever did was in 4th grade. I was a petunia in Alice in Wonderland.
79) The best venue I’ve performed at was Eastman Theatre in Rochester. After I performed, my uncle told me he always dreamed of singing on that stage but never did, but was proud that I got to sing there.
78) I sang tenor in middle school.
79) I can play about 5 songs on the guitar (not including your basic 3- and 4-chord pop progressions).
80) My last boyfriend is probably the best-looking guy I’ve ever seen. Being with him taught me there are more important factors than looks.
81) I’m scarred by being the lightest Filipino ever. When I meet new Filipinos I’m always self-conscious that they think of me as Chinese or something. I wish I was dark all the time.
82) I really want to speak Ilongo and Kiniray-a. I’m kind of bitter at my parents for raising me with English only.
83) I wish I had started dance and instruments when I was little. I think if I started then I might be pretty good at them now.
84) I used to keep a book of rhymes and write at least 1 song a day.
85) I was heavily addicted to writing and performance when I was younger, but since dealing with a lot of my issues I find that I need them less. Now it’s much more about fun and developing a skill than the need.
86) But then again, it’s been a while since I had that extreme adrenaline rush before a big show. Sometimes I’m afraid that I’ll never find a venue big or important enough to give me that nervous excitement again.
87) I need to play the following roles before I die: Carmen in Carmen, Anita in West Side Story (I’d have to learn to dance first, though), Mimi in Rent, Rose in Gypsy, Velma in Chicago, Kim in Miss Saigon
88) I am an aspiring beer expert.
89) I love coffee. I am an addict.
90) I’ve always thought cigarettes were gross, but there was a point when started smoking almost every time I partied. If I was drinking and saw someone smoking, I wanted to smoke too. It nearly became a habit, until one night I got really drunk and smoked something like 5 cigarettes in 2 hours. Since then I am completely repulsed by cigarettes.
91) I haven’t had a real crush on someone since middle school – except for a brief, 2 week period in April of this year where I lost my mind. The insanity dissipated just as quickly as it came and it still doesn’t make sense to me. I don’t think it ever will.
92) I’m scared of the police.
93) I’m semi-lactose intolerant.
94) I’m borderline anemic.
95) I love Maxwell. Listening to Urban Hang Suite got me through some really tough times. Macquin gave me that tape (that’s right TAPE not CD! That’s how old my love for him goes)
96) A lot of shirts/dresses don’t fit me in the boobs, which makes no sense because my boobs are literally the most average size, which can only mean that a lot of manufacturers are giving preference to small-boobied people. How’s that for logic?
97) Fronts are so ugly. They’re probably the only physical alteration that would make me stop talking to a good friend.
98) Speaking of which, “Grillz” is such a horrible song. Listening to it makes me depressed for the future of humanity. I mean, c’mon now. “Smile for me daddy.” “What you looking at?” “Let me see your grill.” “Let me see my what?” “Your, your grill. Your, your, your grill. Your, your grill. Your, your, your grill.” If that’s not literary genius, I don’t know what is.
99) I think my favorite literary genre is 20th century Latin American fiction.
100) I think New Jersey is unnecessary.
101) I speak with an accent that’s part New York, part FOB.


So yeah, been a while since the last update. My apologies, I know all of you procrastinators/bored at 3 am and reading random shit people have been left hanging.

So what has been going on since hte last update ::gasp:: over a month ago? Well hmmm, turned 21 (3 times lol), got back in touch with some people i seriously had missed, went down south to visit the parents and sister. South was fun. it was soooooo nice to drive. i was nervous at first, it had been about a year since the last time, but yeah i still got it. I’m such a good driver! wow! btw, people down south can’t drive for shit. when they change lanes or turn onto the road from a parking lot or something they go craaazy fast, squeeze their SUV’s and pickups into tight spaces and don’t signal. then, when a light turns from red to green it takes them forever to go! fucking backwards people. took my sister to the park and hte beach, got some color. hung out with white folks. all in all a good time.

and yeah, my mom thinks she’s slick. so the first couple days i was down there she has no work, so we chill, its all good. when she goes backt o work, she takes the car and doesn’t tell my dad to unhook the truck, so i’m stranded. she says “i didn’t know.” mmm yeah ok whatever. we fight blah blah parental drama you know how it is. the second day my dad wakes me up double checking with me if he should unhook the truck or not. it seems my mother once again took the car and this time specifically told my father to leave the truck hooked. we call to ask her about it and she says “i didn’t know you wanted to go out.” i say “what the hell am i a prisoner here??” thank God for my dad’s distrust of my mother lol. so yeah, everything was good from then on. whenever i go there it’s not really a vacation, it’s more of a vacation for my parents because i cook and clean and do laundry and mind my sister and keep house. i cooked massive amounts of food because hte last weekend we had some white folks over at the house. “yessm, yessuh” i keed i keed, they were cool. but i then spent my last couple hours nursing my father’s hangover. siiiigh some things never change.

so then my 3rd 21st birthday celebration, which was aiet i guess. a LOT of people who said they were going to show up didn’t show, which is ok for some people (those who explained to me before or after), but for the rest of y’all, i dedicate a big Fuck You. i don’t as you to come, just that you’re straight. eh it’s ok. i’m learning every day who the real friends are.

speaking of which, even after all of this foolishness i’m continuing to hear things about myself, things i’ve supposedly said or done which i am completely certain i never said or did. siiiiiigh. i guess this is what i get for hanging out with filipinos? 3 years of nothing and now college is over and i’m hearing shit, grrrrreat. great way to end shit. oh well, like my man TI say, you be hatin and i see why, cause you don’t know me.

which brings us to July 4th weekend. it was great. not because i did anything particularly great, but because it was all so unplanned and spontaneous. random party sat night in rockland (my first trip to the rock EVER!!!), began with a 3 hour trip to jersey and led to a 2 night stay int he rock. back to the L-I to visit, which became a day of randomly driving around and eventually overnighting it. ahhhhh i love it. At the risk of sounding cheesy (but who cares cause i’m for real here), every night this weekend when i’ve prayed at bedtime, mos tof what i could think of was thanking God for good friends. my son Ben, my shorty Cheryl, my brother/kid’s godfather Nicholas…all going out of their way to show yours truly a good time. Even Shan coming through and making me feel loved!

So here we are. there smuch mroe to tell but it’s finally 6 pm and i’m getting the fuck outta this office!!

here’s to working hard and playing hard my first summer as a free woman.