May 2006


so i’ve decided to clean up my facebook profile, but i don’t wanna lose shit, so i’m transferring shit here.

“Are you serious? Do you know who I am?” ~Dzzom PCN 2k4 (where is that guy?!)

“Is Wayne Brady gonna have to choke a bitch?”

CeciDaSupastar (11:04:58 PM): yay were modeling
jOeYd1zZlE (11:05:00 PM): YAY
CeciDaSupastar (11:05:10 PM): i should wear a sheila mask
jOeYd1zZlE (11:05:26 PM): ummm
jOeYd1zZlE (11:05:27 PM): if u want?
jOeYd1zZlE (11:05:31 PM): do i have to wear one?
CeciDaSupastar (11:05:38 PM): a sheila mask?
jOeYd1zZlE (11:05:45 PM): iono
jOeYd1zZlE (11:05:59 PM): i’ll look weird if u wear something and i dont
CeciDaSupastar (11:06:03 PM): no
jOeYd1zZlE (11:06:06 PM): erm k
jOeYd1zZlE (11:06:16 PM): whatever u think is more cultured
CeciDaSupastar (11:06:24 PM): hahaha
jOeYd1zZlE (11:06:32 PM): ohh i just got that
jOeYd1zZlE (11:06:33 PM): hahaha
jOeYd1zZlE (11:06:35 PM): sheila mask
jOeYd1zZlE (11:06:41 PM): i thought a sheila mask was something cultured
jOeYd1zZlE (11:06:41 PM): haha
CeciDaSupastar (11:06:44 PM): LOL

Never resist the unfamiliar…but I’ve already done a Jamaican dude

M and M = marry me

Ciiiiigarettes

Chilllll Winstonnnnnnnn

Do you remember me?Yeah, parasailing guy.

There’s not a single termite in there, you know why?Cause they’re all married.

Cecilia, I heard you were dark. [I turn Around] WHOA!!!!~Joann

“Oh My God, You’re BLACK” -etan

YES if you saw someone backing it up in headlights in a reststop in south jersey at 2 am, it was my ass

A strange man has never tried to grab/grope me on the street or subway at 3 am when i’m coming home drunk – it always happens in the morning when i’m on my way to work (why? no idea)

I LOVE FLIP CUP. FLIP CUP KICKS BEER PONG’S ASS. FLIP CUP SMACKS BEER PONG LIKE A PIMP SMACKS A HO. IF FLIP CUP AND BEER PONG GOT INTO A BAR FIGHT BEER PONG WOULD LEAVE THE BAR BLOODIED AND LIMPING.

Marc…yeah I’d hit that, even if he is missing a tooth

I miss Kenny!! (does he have a younger brother?)

So what did we do in Jamaica? Ummm we spent a good amount of time watching white people dance and laughing.

I Am X-Treeeme Cliff Jumping!!!

They only want me for my green card

Sasha talked to me
Elephant Man sang to me…twice!

In alphabetical order:

5Mac
Ben
Billy
Bori
Cheryl
Em
Francis
Ingrid
JJ
Marco
Mykie
Shan
Sicat
Vadicel

Yes, I know I have embarrassing sleeping habits :(.
And these people know all about them.

updated 8/9/06..and the list keeps growing. how many more can i add before i leave??

So on Monday i wrote this loooong ass entry about how great my day was…and then my firefox has to shut down before i could save it. so yeah. that sucked. Buuuut here are the highlights:

All the unergrad interns were in at work, making work soooo fun! It’s gonna be a great summer.

I hadn’t yet received grades for 2 classes, which made me nervous because I had submitted my final papers via email and never got a receipt acknowledgement. So, I emailed the profs, and this is what they emailed me back:

Dear Cecilia,
The grades were delivered to the registrar on Friday, which was thedeadline for courses with final exams scheduled for 9 May. The gradesheets are machine readable, so they should be almost instantlyrecorded. Maybe only later today.

Your paper is terrific and it is beautifully written and argued. I hope you do more writing.

Wooooooo! This was the class that I HATED, and that I was nevous for because I basically wrote my paper like a free association. More importantly, this was the final paper I did in college, the 20-something pager that you all cheered me through. Muah! love you! couldn’t have done it without you! Btw..got an A in the class. YEAH! Next:

Cecilia: The grades were submitted on Friday and, your work was outstanding, especially your research paper. You received a grade of A for this course. I am glad you wrote, since I would like to arrange a time to meet and talk with you sometime this summer about various research projects.

YEAHHH! This one means a lot to me because, well, this is the class where all the kids laughed at me. Remember, the one where I announced that I did a paper on Busta Rhymes and kids thought it was funny. Yes, I was vindicated by the guy from the Post, but, well you know how it is, the class was full of those self-righteous rich white kids who laugh at us. You know the little subtle things that they do…for example, scoff when a book criticized Robert Moses for destroying minority-occupied affordable housing, laugh when the prof said NY was an exporter of culture cause the hottest thing in Japan is to dress like black urban youth. Anyway, yeah, so I kind of receded in the class…and I wrote the Prof a letter about it too because he always believed in and supported my point of view, and believed it would be good for the class to hear. All my life I’ve been used to standing up for myself, playing the token role in hopes of educating someone. But, i dunno, there was just so much going on this semester, I didn’t have the energy or will to play the token, which is unfortunate and i suppose selfish of me. Maybe if i could go back i would do it different. But whatever, no matter. What matters is that this guys is DAMN IMPORTANT guy in city government, extremely well known and regarded, AND HE THINKS I’M SMART!!! I’m trying not to hope too much from this research offer…but it would be cool. Soooo frikkin cool. If it’s really good it might make me question the balikbayan..errr we shall see.

So excited. wow, i’m a nerd.

And then, I go to VS and get 2 free panties. Woo hoo! On the train ride home I’m reading the Noli and some guy sits next to me. After a lil while he holds up his phone and it says “no disrespect. you’re stunning. truly.” awww! I’m so stunned, I just giggle andsay thank you. i can’t even look him in the face. After a little bit he says “excuse me, what nationality are you?” i answer. “oh. ok. (sees my book) oh, sorry to disturb you.” The whole time he’s sitting there I’m doing my best to stay cool. When he leaves he says “take care” and then the doofy smile comes out. haha. It is just sooo refreshing…a man to give you a compliment for the sake of giving you a compliment. No grease, no alterior motive, not even really trying to holler. Why is it that respectful guys only step on days when i think i look like crap? maybe i’m less on the defense…But yeah. I mean, not to be gassed, but I think i’m pretty. but sometimes you forget, sometimes you become unsure and you need someone to remind you/confirm for you/let you know that other people think you’re pretty too and that you’re not just fooling yourself. so yeah biiiig smile :D. And then, the very next morning some random woman in the elevator said i was beautiful and my receptionist said i looked pretty too! hehe gas me up! so i’m feeling extra girly and pretty this week. yay!

ok so this was my day yesterday, which actually started Friday night:

Friday night I go home, all excited to finally sleep in my own bed after basically living in palladium since wednesday. I shower, start to clean, relax a bit. Then Basilio’s all calling me

“come to palladium to hang out, even if you’re not going to the party”
“I’ve been living there since wednesday”
“But I haven’t been there so that doesn’t count. Plus we probably won’t stay at the party that long, you know we’ll be back for some Robin Raj” (btw, I was the one who introduced Bas to the Robin Raj sausage egg and cheese. just so everyone knows.)
“Aiiiet, if you really want me to come through. You’re lucky I love u so much”

Then I get a call from the producer of FWN’s Vagina Monologues. I had contacted them a few weeks back saying I was interested in auditioning, but got so busy and basically flaked off and never followed through. I explained to her that my life had been so hectic, I wasn’t prepared, I didn’t even have a headshot. She was sooo nice, she said it was ok, I could submit my headshot later, I could just come in and cold read. So I agreed. Back to palladium for me.

Go to the Third North computer lab to print up the scripts. Get to Palladium, Basilio is running late and probably can’t make it haha. Its ok, I love the people there. Especially John (who I think is now officially my favorite drunk person), who I really need to hang out with more. They leave for the party, I stay up till 2 working on my professional resume and preparing some monologues. They don’t get into finelle’s party, so call me out to go to some other party. I can’t because the audition’s EEEAAARRRLLLLYYYY in the frikkin morn. But they come back around 3:30 and i tell them to come say hi and talk. and so i wake back up and we chill and then i go back to sleep.

So yeah, in a more coherent manner:

Saturday 2:00 AM – Sleep in Palladium

Saturday 3:30 Am – Basilio and Bori come back from Lotus, I wake up and say hi for a bit. Then go back to sleep.

Saturday 7:30 AM – wake up after maybe 4 hours of sleep. Continue to prep.

Saturday 9:15 AM – Audition at 26th street, between 6th and 7th aves. It was fun, very relaxed, although I was tired as hell. I didn’t do as well as i could have, of course, yeah, not really performance worthy. But hey, it’s an audition, not a performance, right? What was really cool was that there were some basically pro people there, at least people with a helluva lot more experience than me, and I felt like I held my own. Awesome.

Saturday 11:45 AM – leave the audition and hop the r train

Saturday 12:30 PM – teach in Brooklyn.

Saturday 1:30 PM – Eventhough class is a block away from my apt, I don’t even stop home. I go straight back on the manhattan-bound r to head to Jersey City. I’m planning on getting out at Rector and walking to the WTC PATH, but either shit is under construction or I just miss it. I end up getting off at 8th street and walking to the 9th street PATH.

Saturday 2:00 PM – Arrive in Jersey City. Basilio and Emily come to the station to pick me up and we go to the restaurant. Hang out with them and Alfa and Jay. So much fun! Any day where my first meal is chicharon is excellent.

Saturday 5:00 PM – Go to Basilio’s house. Hang out with his Parents and Lizette. Basilio tells his mom that i sing! haha that fucker. so i then spend hours with his mom and dad, bascially sight reading a bunch of songs and them teaching me mga kundiman. Bas’s dad sayis its necessary for me to learn bayan ko. i will.

Saturday 8:00 PM – Me and Basilio head over to Emily’s where I eat a lot more and chill with the fam.

Saturday 8:45 PM – Me, Bas, Charisma, Cy and Eddie head into the city. We drop off heads in Pall first

Saturday 10:00 PM – Get dropped off at Coda while Bas and Eddie head to Vesta. Corey’s band sounds sooooo good, but the audience is kinda empty. I made the merch table all pretty! yay! But no one buys anything. boo. The bouncer hits on me but i’m not really feeling him. This girl comes up to me “Cecilia!” i look at her “um, hi?” “Katie Macchia!” “Oh my GOD!!!” Wow. haven’t seen that girl since elementary school and definitely didn’t recognize her. I’m surprised she remembers me lol. She said i still look the same, haha which i do. it was kinda weird seeing someone after that long…weird but cool.

Saturday 11:45 PM – Leave Coda, walk over to Vesta. Spend the walk talking to Nicholas. Awesome! I love my brother. So glad he had a good time at the 40/40 and playing pool.

Sunday Midnight – Get to Vesta. The bouncers are cool. As I’m standing outside wrapping things up on the phone, Sicat, Alex (who I havent seen in a year) and some dude walk right by the door – it was kinda confusing because there was a bunch of people standing outside which looks like a line, but they’re just smoking. I tell them to come in by where i am. The bouncers tell me to go on inside, but i say i’m trying to be nice and wait for them. One of the bouncers starts joking around telling me to go in or else and ushering me in, so i comply.

Sunday 3:00 AM – Getting ready to leave Vesta. Basilio is so good haha. His friend says I’m not Filipino and Eddie and Basilio go “ooooooo” and I start speaking tagalog. haha that was funny. Billy drives me and Bori home.

Ahhhh weekends rock.

BTW, regarding that other thing, I’m done. Well, actually, I’ve been done for quite a while now, but it was definitely cemented last night. I feel sooooo good! haha soooo freeeeeeeee 😀

Happy Mother’s Day!

This whole series of end of the year parties has been somewhat disappointing.

Dragged-out….ahhhh all I want is an amazing party. To, as they say, dance till my lungs collapse. But things somehow or another keep getting ruined!

What the hell happened last night! It must have been what I ate. I had maybe 5 drinks. It wasn’t the usual pattern. Once again it was no blackout, no hangover, no stumbling. Not only that but I can usually control it, but this time. It just came outta nowhere and I couldn’t control it at all.

So this is twice in the past 2 months…as opposed to my previous record of once in 3 years. Why is this happening? Has it just been these particular situations or is my body changing? I usually know my body pretty well…and it’s kinda alarming me that It’s been going against my usual patterns.

Crap. Maybe I’m just getting old?

You ever just want to hop a plane…just go on the next flight out of JFK…to some place where no one knows you. Where you have no expectations or obligations. Maybe some deserted island where you just live in your hut and sit on the beach and fish and gather and live with no complications. You don’t tell anyone where you’re going and you have no way of keeping in contact with anyone. Maybe you don’t tell them that you’re leaving at all and then wonder if anyone worries or misses you. Maybe you just tell a few people that you’re still alive and leave it at that. And you do it, you escape, so that you can be comfortable in the knowledge that if you’re alone it’s because you chose to be alone, not because no one wants you. Well, I definitely know how that feels. Yes. I do.

Maybe I’m too closed, but still have the desire to be open. Maybe I give too much or too little. Maybe I want too much. Maybe I need too much. But I keep doing it. I never learn, and I keep doing it. I should know for whom I am the care-giver and for whom I am the care-receiver. Maybe I shouldn’t expect anything. You would think…I’ve been taught my whole life that you can’t trust anybody. You would think I’d have accepted that by now. But I keep trying. I keep wanting so much to believe. You would think that after everything I could just LET GO OF THE HOPE and accept that you simply can never trust or rely or expect anybody to understand you…not even family.

So yeah. Sorry about last night guys, I was going through some stuff. I expected too much, by means of a diversion I guess. But when it came down to it, I just needed some alone time. I had to sort through stuff. I was pissed at first…really pissed. Well, more depressed. Quite depressed. But I’m ok now! I guess it was the amalgamation of a bunch of annoying small things that pushed my buttons in a really personal way. I should just know, I should just learn what to expect and what not to. I can handle it.

CeciDaSupastar (4:31:34 PM): you can use them as party favors
votry of ink (4:31:37 PM): HAHAHA
CeciDaSupastar (4:31:39 PM): gift bags
CeciDaSupastar (4:31:45 PM): novelty water balloons
CeciDaSupastar (4:31:56 PM): BALLOON ANIMALS
votry of ink (4:31:59 PM): oh my
CeciDaSupastar (4:32:03 PM): haha sorry
votry of ink (4:32:07 PM): haha
votry of ink (4:32:15 PM): i feel like your options as far as balloon animals go are pretty limited
CeciDaSupastar (4:33:12 PM): really?
votry of ink (4:33:23 PM): snake
votry of ink (4:33:25 PM): whale
votry of ink (4:33:26 PM): um
CeciDaSupastar (4:33:27 PM): when they make baloon animals dont they use baloons that are basically that shape?
CeciDaSupastar (4:33:29 PM): hahaha
votry of ink (4:33:30 PM): caterpillar
CeciDaSupastar (4:33:37 PM): lolll
votry of ink (4:33:42 PM): yeah but i feel like those ballons have less….girth.
CeciDaSupastar (4:33:58 PM): mm yes that makes sense

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