April 2006

Es un gran necio
Un estupido ingreído
Egoista y caprichoso
Un payaso vanidoso
Inconciente y presumido
Falso, malo, rencoroso
Que no tiene corazón

Inseguro de si mismo
Insoportable como amigo

I love trapping my mom. It happens so infrequently, when it does, it’s a huge victory. Yesterday she called me, all trying to be slick. But i firgured it out and i won. oh yes.

Cil, see if those NYU sweatshirts are on sale. If they’re cheap, get me one.

You’ve asked me a bunch of time, you know they’re crazy expensive. You can get a sweatshirt from Kmart for 5 dollars.

Not really a sweatshirt, you know, one of those soft zipper things.

A fleece? Those are still expensive. You can get one at Old Navy or something for $15.

No, if it’s on sale.

Even sale price, it’s gonna be at least $25. Minimum.

25? No, that’s ok, that’s not bad.

What do you mean it’s not bad? If you can get one for $15 or less…

Yeah, but then it won’t say NYU

Wait…what? Why do you care about that….

Well…well cause… well cause you know….people here all wear their UNC clothing.


And if they wear that, then, you know, i want to wear some NYU something too

Nnnnnnnaaaaku! Yabang ka!

…….siempre e, konting yabang….konting yabang lang.

mwahahaha, got ’em.


CeciDaSupastar (5:28:35 PM): oh man, that deserves space on my profile
Krayzi9872 (5:29:25 PM): hahaha
Krayzi9872 (5:29:26 PM): yessssssssss
CeciDaSupastar (5:29:50 PM): congratulations
Krayzi9872 (5:30:49 PM): i’ve workd so hard 4 this moment
Krayzi9872 (5:31:02 PM): i’d likee 2 thank my mom 4 always believin in me
Krayzi9872 (5:31:14 PM): 2e for bring his friends around
Krayzi9872 (5:31:38 PM): and hennesy and bacardi for tha bonding experiences they provide

CeciDaSupastar (5:21:27 PM): FUUCCCCKKK
CeciDaSupastar (5:21:36 PM): i just realized i’ve been reading the wrong chapter for the past 3 hours
Krayzi9872 (5:22:34 PM): HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
CeciDaSupastar (5:22:49 PM): nooooooooo
Krayzi9872 (5:26:55 PM): sorry…damn that sux yo
Krayzi9872 (5:27:03 PM): lol
CeciDaSupastar (5:27:06 PM): WHY
CeciDaSupastar (5:27:09 PM): WHY I TELL YOU
CeciDaSupastar (5:27:25 PM): oh well my food’s here
Krayzi9872 (5:27:56 PM): and as with all filipinos….tha world stops at tha site of food

I now officially hang my head in shame.

I should walk around with a paper bag over my head.

And it doesn’t matter that I wasn’t the only one or that I wasn’t the worst one.

damn. damn.

yesterday i only spent 20 minutes talking to bori, as opposed to the 3 1/2 hours over hte past 2 days


So today has all in all been a good day. first, at work, i was at my desk when one of the lawyers came by my desk and whispered all on the dl “you want cake?” i was then stealthily ushered into her office where there was a mini gathering for her birthday! it was only like 5 of us – yay! they like me! we’re friends! i feel special…

then, i defended my thesis today…i was so worried and nervous! buuutttt AMAZINGLY, they liked it !!! profs dickson and morton (or becky as she says i can call her :D) said they really liked it! they said that it was really good and it was hard for them ot poke holes in it. the defense that’s supposed to take 45 minutes only took 20 minutes, and half of that was me talking about my family and my post grad plans! yayyyyyyyy. not only that, but eventhough my paper didn’t show a correlation, they still believe in my theory and base my findings on a problem with the data set! yay!

so then they told me i had to leave so that they could pretend to argue. as soon as i close dhte door behind me, they opened it and said “congratulations, you’re graduating with honors!” WAHOOOOO

not only that, but BORI’S COMING TO NYC!!!!! for real this time, he promises! (i’ve already threatened him multiple times that he better not be playing with me) He’s gonna book his flight on friday and send me his itinerary and he’s gonna stay at my place! sooooo excited! we’re gonna eat good food and go see a show and i now have a dirnking buddy! and other fun stuff. wooooooo

and as for that other thing…i’ve decided, well, f it. yeah man. i mean, don’t get me wrong, i still want it…haha really want it. but…i’m not gonna stress it anymore. if stuff goes down, it goes down. i’ll just let it. its like manny says – just show up and see what happens.

buuut then again, the moment of truth is coming up. so yeah. i’m not gonna stress it.

i think that after the intensity that was pcn, it was just too easy for me to get caught up in performance and story and “this is the essence of life” and blah blah emotional stuff. but i think i’m returning to my world of academia. i must save the world! research by research, paper by paper.

mykie p: i was just looking through my old emails and i had some eboard ones from last year in my gmail
mykie p: and there were a couple times where you kept saying stuff and were like ‘mykie, dont you ever pay attention to anything i say?’
mykie p: and then i replied ‘im sorry cecilia, were you saying something?’
CeciDaSupastar: and you got nostalgic
mykie p: haha nostalgic, yes
CeciDaSupastar: awww
CeciDaSupastar: u like me
mykie p: hahaha
CeciDaSupastar: u MISS me
mykie p: lets not get ahead of ourselves
mykie p: miss is such a strong word
mykie p: hahahahahhaha kidding kidding
mykie p: see cecilia
CeciDaSupastar: yay nowi’m gonna tell the whole world
mykie p: ahahahahahhaha
mykie p: woohoo
CeciDaSupastar: this is going on my blog
CeciDaSupastar: you cant deny it anymore
mykie p: did you seriously write about that in your blog?
mykie p: please tell me you did
mykie p: that would be the highlight of my year

So, as you probably know, everyone in the world sings the Simon and Garfunkel “Cecilia” song to me and i HAAAAAATE it!! But, lo and behold, today in class my prof played a different Cecilia song – one by Brazilian legendary singer/songwriter Chico Buarque. It is gorgeous and i had to hide my face cause when i heard it i had an incredibly doofy smile on my face. haha, my nerdy self couldn’t even properly analyze it after hearing it. Prof. played basically 2 slow jams to open up class and this was the first one – sooo appropriate for my state of mind right now. so here it is, along wiht a loose translation. learn it bitches!

Quantos artistas
(How many artists)
Entoam baladas
(Sing Ballads)
Para suas amadas
(For their loved ones)
Com grandes orquestras
(With big orchestras)
Como os invejo
(How I envy them)
Como os admiro
(How I admire them)
Eu, que te vejo
(Me, I see you)
E nem quase respiro
(And I can almost not breathe)

Quantos poetas
(How many poets)
Românticos, prosas
(Romantics, proses)
Exaltam suas musas
(Exalt their muses)
Com todas as letras
(With all the words)
Eu te murmuro
(I murmur you)
Eu te suspiro
(I sigh you)
Eu, que soletro
(Me, I only spell)
Teu nome no escuro
(Your name in the dark)

Me escutas, Cecília?
(Do you hear me, Cecilia?)
Mas eu te chamava em silêncio
(I called you in silence)
Na tua presença
(In your presence)
Palavras são brutas
(Words are rough)

Pode ser que, entreabertos
(It’s possible that, half open)
Meus lábios de leve
(My weightless lips)
Tremessem por ti
(Tremble for you)
Mas nem as sutis melodias
(But not even the subtle melodies)
Merecem, Cecília, teu nome
(Deserve, Cecilia, your name)
Espalhar por aí
(To spread it out)
Como tantos poetas
(Like so many poets)
Tantos cantores
(So many singers)
Tantas Cecílias
(So many Cecilias)
Com mil refletores
(With a thousand lights)
Eu, que não digo
(Me, that doesnt speak)
Mas ardo de desejo
(But burn with desire)
Te olho
(I see you)
Te guardo
(I keep you)
Te sigo
(I follow you)
Te vejo dormir
(I watch you sleep)

So yeah, its been a while since i updated. sorry bout that. a lot has happened…spring break. my first vacation ever. it was AMAZING. Perfect. my thesis is done, YES. my article for work is done, YES. PCN!!! I LOVE PCN!!! but alas, that too is over.

PCN was such an emotionally intensive time. Para otros y creo, yo también. yo no he estado perdida por alguien desde que…pues, antes que high school i think. pero ahora, mírame. estoy como una niñita. quiero a él. quizás, ama a él, y me siento tonta porque yo nunca digo cosas así…soy tan cynical que quienquiera, especialmente sobre el amor. pero ahora….no puedo pensar ni comer ni hacer nada. i frikkin used the word “emo” for the first time the other day porque eso es como me sentía…es como yo me siento

estar con él….nunca he podado esperar ni pensar como me siento con él. people are not nice to me….i’m cecilia, that doesn’t happen to me, pero él…es increíble. entonces, i’m on a mission. lo necesito. lo necesito. pero…él quiere a alguien, y no es mi. it doesnt matter who it is…it’s not me and thats whats important and thats what sucks.

porqué….¿porqué no puede verme? Estoy aquí, y todo lo que él tiene que hacer es decir la palabra, or not even, solo mirarme…mirarme así…como yo lo miro, y yo estaría…yo existiría solo por él. ¿porqué no puede ver que estoy lista para darle todo lo que merece? todo….

ahhhh i hate feeling this way. i hate not being in control. shizz like this doesnt happen to cecilia!

the best beginning of a song ever: la canción que en que pienso

voy a desnudar tu alma
beso a beso hasta sentir
que tu cuerpo se derrama como lluvia sobre mi

Por el borde de tu espalda
Voy a dibujar mi amor
Sin ocultar este pasión

Cada latido de tu corazón, cada suspiro tuyo me pertenecerá

Cuando seas mio, ya lo verás….
Cuando seas mio en cada sueño voy a estar yo
Te voy a hacer buscar, pedir, rogar mi calor

Voy a vivir como siempre como esclavo de tu voz
Desde el arco de tu ceja hasta tu dulce intimidad
Caricias yo voy a sembrar

Entregate, yo te hare vibrar
Suplicarás que te ame mas
En mis brazos volarás, hasta el cielo llegarás
No escaparás jamás

estoy aquí