How do you leave the past behind when it keeps finding ways to get to your heart…
Sometimes you past comes to bite you in the ass. You think something is over; you’ve dealt with it and it’s done. Then, as soon as you think you’re over it, poof! it reappears.
I’m so emotionally….just everywhere. I thought I had it all figured out, then within a 24 hour period I can’t seem to figure out what I want (perhaps who I want is more appropriate), or what my values are or where I am or how I feel. AHHHHHH it’s just a big old mess.
Why do we all have this completely irrational need to be loved? I thought I was over this need. I thought I could just focus my life on love for humanity (which is linked to my career and ambitions), my platonic loves, and my maternal love. I thought maybe, just maybe, everything would be okay if I never settled down, never got married, and just took care of my career and my Sophia and my friends for the rest of my life. But romantic love – the most completely irrational of all the loves – is like an addiction. If you get away from it for a while, you’re ok; but as soon as you’re near that bottle all the old cravings come back. I guess it really is a physical addiction, I mean, it’s all adrenaline and seratonin, right? But I have no problem as far as getting hooked on otherwise addicting substances, I mean, smoking, drinking, I’m good with all that. haha. But…romantic love is something of a completely different level. Dammit.
And why is it always multiple or no one for me? Either I’m completely alone or I have too many options. The irony of my life never stops.